7.26.15 daily bathing [and motivation]

"People often say that motivation doesn't last.

Well, neither does bathing.

That's why we recommend it daily."

-Zig Ziglar-

This is really not going well so far.

I don't understand why it's so difficult?

Does someone have the magic answer??

I will say though, I have been much more aware of, not what I'm eating, but the fact that I'm eating something even though I know I shouldn't be. I'm not trying to hide it from myself anymore. I'm staring the reality straight in the face.

And then continuing to eat the crap anyways.

But it will get better, I know it will.

I can't give up.

That would just be a stupid decision.

And now I need to work on not throwing a whole day away just because I make one bad food choice. One cookie a day is not making me fat.

It's all the shit I eat after the cookie, when I've thought, 'Might as well screw it, I've already had one cookie so now this day is ruined, so I'll just eat all the cookies'.

That is what is making me fat.

And that is what I need to stop doing.

[Also] I don't know if I've already used that quote, and I don't care if I have. It's one of my favorites, and you can really apply it to just about any situation you find yourself in.

 

7.25.15 now does not mean tomorrow

"When you complain, you make yourself a victim.

Leave the situation, change the situation, or accept it.

All else is madness."

-Eckhart Tolle-

My sugar-free day today [well, technically yesterday, since it's past midnight] did not go well.

At all.

I thought it was going to be fine, but I made a concious bad choice, and after that I just sort of said 'Ah, fuck it'.

That's always a good way to deal with life, right?

Anyways I was trolling perusing the internet and found a 6ish minute video that was an ex drill sergeant calling out people for, well, basically being fat unhealthy. It was very much a tough-love video. Very much so.

But the moral of the video is that it's unhealthy [duh, we all know this already], and that for many people making excuses for why they are unhealthy/overweight/obese/etc, very few of them are actually legitimate. Mostly people are lazy [not wanting/being too tired to work out, not wanting to take the time to cook healthier meals] and/or have low self-control, specifically when it comes to eating.

[Yeah, I get it, people have thyroid problems. I have had thyroid problems. And when I was diagnosed with them, I still only weighed about 130 pounds. It's less of an excuse than what people want to admit. Also, I have to take fracking steroids right now, thanks to my lovely autoimmune disease, and although this caused me to gain like 20 pounds in one effing month, that doesn't mean I can't change it. I can. It's just "too hard". *eyeroll@myself*]

It sounds harsh, and it is a bit. And I am usually wary of fitness and health "experts" ranting about fat people because, seriously, they we get that enough from scumbags who just want to shit on others.

But strangely enough, his video did not turn me off.

It was actually quite intriguing, to the point that I followed it to his facebook page and read more about him.

Whatever, I'm not going to link it or anything, but you can google it yourself. They guy's name is John Burk.

The main point I took home from the video is that it has to start today.

And I have problems with that.

I'm always like, okay, I'll have this one last day of eating all this crappy crap food that I love just to get the cravings out of my system, and tomorrow I'll start eating baby carrots and drinking 5000 gallons of water per day.

The thing is, tomorrow is always tomorrow.

And so tonight, I decided that is does not start tomorrow [even though it'd be super easy to make that excuse, seeing as it's so late]. It. Starts. Now.

And I've already had to test my willpower once. It only took three hours before my brain was back on the food train.

I went to eat cereal and was literally thinking 'One for the road' as I opened the box...

then stopped and thought about how I was already giving up after three fucking hours? Seriously?

So I closed the box and put it back

and possibly gave myself a congratulatory mental pat on the back.

I need to hold myself accountable.

I need to think of the bigger picture.

I need to remind myself of the longer picture.

Is one minute of having happy taste buds worth feeling uncomfortable and unhealthy and generally shitty the other 1439 minutes in the day?

No. Not even a little bit.

Soooo why would I continue to act like it is?

7.23.15 sugar tantrums

"A river cuts through water

not because of its power

but because of its persistence."

-Jim Watkins-

I've always had a massive sweet tooth, but lately [okay, maybe not JUST lately] it's gotten completely out of control.

I'm probably eating... 500-1000 calories per day worth of dessert food.

That is not okay.

Reeeaaallllly not okay.

So I need to break this habit. Unfortunately, I don't think it will work to try and ween myself off the sugar. 

Mostly why I don't think it will work is because I've tried it countless times and oh, hey, it still hasn't worked.

So I'm quitting cold turkey.

I read this book last year called It Starts With Food, and yes, it's a paleo diet book, and no, I do not eat paleo. But it had some really good ideas and observations.

One such observation that I was previously not aware of

(no I was probably completely aware of it, just in 100% denial)

is that when I get a sugar craving, my mind is basically throwing a temper tantrum over wanting sugar and not getting it.

So when I give in to the tantrum and eat a delicious cookie or whatever, my mind stops stomping its feet like a toddler in the middle of the candy aisle at the grocery store.

However, since I gave in, next time I get a sugar craving, the sugar tantrum is going to be even louder and harder to control. So I give in again, and the sick cycle continues.

Which is why I need to cut myself off completely. Even if I say to myself, 'I will just have two desserts per week', well, that quickly turns into, like, two desserts per day.

But if I have no wiggle room, zero is zero is zero, then...I don't know. It might help?

Maybe.

We'll see.

I went all of Wednesday without dessert, and already today I broke down and ate half a cookie in the morning. [I get free cookies at my work, they are very giant cookies and the most amazing cookies I have ever tasted. So it's a problem.] But that 1/2 cookie shenanigan took place even before lunch time [kind of gross, I know], and the rest of the day I have not had anything else like that. 

Tomorrow will be sugar free for me! [fingers crossed]