6.9.15 living in the moment

"What a wonderful life I've had! I only wish I'd realized it sooner."
-Collette-


While I was on my walk today, my thoughts started wondering, hopping from here to there to pretty much everywhere.

I hate when this happens when I'm trying to go to sleep, but when I'm exercise, it's not at all a problem.

And to be honest, I don't listen to music when I work out [except for yoga].

With all my thoughts jumbled and bouncing everywhere, it may not seem like it's helping to clear my head, but it really really does.

[I highly recommend taking a few workouts media-less and seeing how it affects you. It's an interesting experience.]

Anyways, I was thinking about the past.

Do you ever think about something in your past? But neither regretting nor yearning for it.

Just remembering it, and appreciating it for what it was.

And where it's brought you.

I'm trying very hard to focus on and live in the moment.

In this moment.

It's difficult, and it's not doable 100% of the time [and probably doing that 100% of the time can cause its own problems], but for me it's important to practice this as much as I can.

Remember this post? I mentioned how I have trouble taking my eyes away from the bigger picture and instead focusing on smaller goals, ones that I can accomplish now?

That happens when I'm trying to live in the future. But I can't live in the future.

Because when I try to, I end up just not really living, period.

I was watching a documentary on Netflix called Tiny: A Story About Living Small, and one of the persons they feature was this lady who threw out a thought.

A thought that affected me more than I expected something like that to.

What she said was along the lines of: "You have to get comfortable with who you are. Because who you are may be all that you're ever going to be."

[It's said at ~42:30 minute mark]

And you may think, well obviously I'm going to change throughout my life.

And you're right. Change is inevitable.

But it doesn't guarantee that you'll be more happy than you were before.

I've been, not always unhappy, but certainly always uncomfortable, with myself since the sixth grade. In the span of those 14 years, I have changed a lot.

And I'm still not comfortable with myself.

That's why it's so important for me to live in this moment. I will never be truly content if I can only focus on past or future events.